Investing Fun, Jokes and Humor

QUESTION: What's the difference between a pigeon and a stockbroker?

ANSWER: The pigeon can still make a deposit on a BMW.

The trading floor of an exchange is an environment wherein a higher concentration of people are subjected to more incomplete information bits flying around than anywhere else.

If you can't take a small loss, sooner or later you will take the mother of all losses.

Wanting to make money in the stock markets without accepting there will be losses is like waiting to breathe but only wishing to exhale.

Markets are the places where two types of people meet up in the morning:

Those with experience and those with money. Towards the end of the day, they exchange their assets and go home.

A stockbroker was in the hospital, when the nurse took his temperature he asked "how much it is?"

"102, sir." He replied "Sell it when it gets to 103."

Cash Flow: The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

Top ten reasons investing is like sex:

1.  Some like it long, some like it short.

2. You can study the market as much as you like, but it all comes down to luck.

3. Those who talk about it the most, have the least experience.

4. One simple mistake could lead to 18 unprofitable years.

5. Some prefer to sit back and watch it grow.

6. Terms include swing trading, asset turnover, naked call, after hours, insider trading, silent partner, blind entries, 30-day wash rule, straddle, triangles, descending tops, ascending bottoms, pump and dump, partial surrender, stop order, position limit, voluntary liquidation, and explicit interest.

7. Low confidence can keep you out of the market.

8. Everyone tends to focus on performance.

9. Some do it alone, others do it with a group, and some hire professionals, and the best reason ...

10. Some positions are better than others and the best position is always up for debate! 

And remember, past performance is not necessarily indicative of future results.

QUESTION: How do you define optimism?

ANSWER: An investment banker who irons five shirts on a Sunday!

QUESTION: What does a hedge fund manager with no fund to manage say?

ANSWER: Would you like fries with that, sir?

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