If you owe the bank $100, that's your problem. If you owe the bank $100 million, that's the bank's problem.

BULL MARKET: A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.

BROKER: The person you trust to help you make major financial decisions. Please note the first five letters of this word spell "Broke."

A stockbroker and his two friends took a month off to sail across the Atlantic. Midway across they hit a hurricane and the yacht sank, leaving barely enough time for all three to radio for help and scramble into a rubber life raft.

The raft was riding very low in the water and being circled relentlessly by six or seven sharks when a Coast Guard launched a small rescue boat.

A giant wave came along and swamped the survivor's raft. In an instant the sharks mauled the two stockbroker's friends into little more than hamburger, but then broke apart to form a pathway and escort the survivor safely into the hands of the Coast Guard.

"Damn!" gasped one of the astonished sailors. "That was a miracle!" "Nah," explained the stockbroker modestly, wringing the seawater out of his shirt. "Just professional courtesy!"

Stockbroker's creed:

A man is a client until proven broke.

Famous Last Words:

• Stock prices have reached what looks like a permanent high plateau.

• All these analysts can't be wrong.

• I'd be perfectly happy to hold these securities even if the market shut down for 10 years.

• The Dow Jones is rock solid.

• A bank is a place where they really help you.

• Let's hope things are better tomorrow.

• Things can't get worse.

• I'm convinced we have reached the bottom.

• Run with the herd.

• Never run with the herd.

• It's probably just a minor correction.

• The odds of that happening are a million to one.

• Well, so far this valuation method always worked.

• No need to panic.

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