Sometimes your best investments are the ones you didn't make.
Once there was a millionaire, who collected live alligators.
He kept them in the pool in back of his mansion. The millionaire also had a beautiful daughter who was single.
One day he decides to throw a huge party, and during the party he announces, "My dear guests ... I have a proposition to every man here. I will give one million dollars or my daughter's hand in marriage to the man who can swim across this pool full of alligators and emerge unharmed!"
As soon as he finished his last word, there was the sound of a large SPLASH!! There was one guy in the pool swimming with all he could ... the crowd cheered him on as he kept stroking. Finally, he made it to the other side unharmed.
The millionaire was impressed. He said, "My boy that was incredible! Fantastic! I didn't think it could be done! Well I must keep my end of the bargain ... which do you want, my daughters hand in marrage or the one million dollars?"
The guy says, "Listen, I don't want your money! And I don't want to marry your daughter! I want the person who pushed me in the water!!!"
Profit is only made after all your positions are closed.
The safest way to double your money...
Is to fold it and put it in your pocket.
There was an investor who had three girlfriends, but he didn't know which one to marry.
So he decided to give each one $5,000 and see how each of them spends it.
The first one goes out and gets a total make over with the money. She gets new clothes, a new hairdo, manicure, pedicure, the works, and tells the investor, "I spent the money so I could look pretty for you because I love you so much."
The second one went out and bought new golf clubs, a CD player, a television, and a stereo and gives them to the man. She says, "I bought these gifts for you with the money because I love you so much."
The third one takes the $5,000 and invests it in the stock market, doubles her investment, returns the $5,000 to the man and reinvests the rest. She says, "I am investing the rest of the money for our future because I love you so much."
The man thought long and hard about how each of the women spent the money, and then decided.
QUESTION: Who did the investor marry?
ANSWER: (from right to left) !stit tseggib eht htiw eno ehT
Markets are the places where two types of people meet up in the morning:
Those with experience and those with money. Towards the end of the day, they exchange their assets and go home.
Always play with other people's money!
A stock market analyst can have his head in an oven and his feet in ice, and he will say that on the average he feels fine.